She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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