Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
