What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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