evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
