How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
