these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
