I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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