I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
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she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
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Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
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