ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
