Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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