dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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