i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
where are my eyebrows?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
