u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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