smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
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Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
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WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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