my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
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