Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
