Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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