It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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