I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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