i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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