I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
