What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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