Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
