i jhust puked up my retainher.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
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