he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
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Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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