you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
