so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
