She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
19 Groupies Confess What It’s Really Like To Hook Up With Famous Rockstars
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.