I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?