Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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