New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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