you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
