allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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