atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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