I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
