I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Randomize
