I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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