She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
he thought i was a dude.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
