I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
