Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize