You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
