if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
