I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
you told grandpa to call you daddy
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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