I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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