so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
