i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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