he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Randomize
