Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
