I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
