i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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