he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
