Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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