Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
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You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
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I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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