I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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