who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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