Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
