i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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