the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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