Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
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I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
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Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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