There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
