I molested 6 butterflies tonight
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
