Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize