oh god the rape fog is back!
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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