I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
