Fine. I'll sleep in my office
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize